The Goron of Cambridge
by CheeseFromJupiter
Summary: Sequal to Deku. Link The goron. wants to go to Cambridge, but The Deku, Link and Malon will do anything to stop him. Is there a reason? Updated! Malon gets kidnapped by a terrible monster! What is it?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_An: It's my sequel to Deku.  
That's really all there is. I'm writing this at the time as my humour/angst hybrid of tremendous stupidity, so updates may be slow. Sit still and be patient!_

_You may notice a sad bit or two **Coughdeathcough.** but this isn't my H/A._

_So, with all that said, sit back and enjoy!_

**Remi had a dream.**

**It was what some people called silly, but Remi wanted to be the world's first Buddha/Nun hybrid.**

**She wanted to take over Buddhapest and rename it Buddhanun, and she wanted to meet Odolwa, and she wanted to have bananas for her dinner every night.**

**But those two things have nothing to do with anything.**

**Goron City was very empty today.**

**You want to know why?**

**Because the gorons were all away auditioning for the next Beauty and the Beast Broadway musical. This is something the gorons think very important, and although they are rejected year after year, they just kept on trying. Bless 'em.**

**They just don't learn.**

"Okay, boys!" Darunia said, "Lets give it all we got this year! There's no way they can't sign us on _this_ year!"

"Yeah!" The rest of the gorons agreed.

**Suddenly, there was a loud bang.**

**A woman suddenly stood on the stage, and she looked very unhappy.**

"Dammit!" She yelled angrily. "Wasn't that special effects guy supposed to get the big smokey cloud thing ready for me?"

The gorons stared on, captivated.

"That's nice, darling," The director said. "But your supposed to audition by singing."

"Shut up!" The woman snapped.

"Bcock?" Sam asked.

"No, Sam." The second judge replied.

"Bcock cluck cluck bcock?"

Everyone was now staring at the small cucco.

"Heh.. Bcock…"

**Not many people know this, but the goron, Link, also had a dream.**

**He wanted to get into Cambridge.**

**But the problem is, he just isn't smart enough. **

**And studying is particularly annoying if you have a someone singing into your ear the whole time.**

"Call out the navy, call out the something.. Erm.. Something something, something and something!"

"Shut up!" Link G. screamed, throwing down his book. "Just SHUT UP!"

**Somewhere, in a far off place in Hyrule, Link and Malon were playing at Power Rangers.**

"It's morphin' time!" Link cried.

"Tyranosaur!" Malon shouted.

"Stegosaur!" Link yelled back.

"Pfft." Talon said. "When I was young, the only power the Power Rangers had was their own power! None of this "morphin'" nonsense!"

_An: It is I! It is a Friday! Pie is good! _

_I was torn between Malon and Links "Power Rangers" or having Link sing:_

I take a whisky drink,

I take a malty drink,

And if I have to pee,

I use the kitchen sink.

_Look for transformers and the Return of the Deku in later chapters, along with Link and Malon writing a letter to Mr George Lucas of "Beardy Town", with Lawrence using the word "perpendicular" on the side._

_So, with that said, Read and Review!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two **

_An: Mwuhahahaha! I have updated!  
Erm.. Should I do reviews before or after the story? I know!  
I'll do reviews before it and then I'll do my author's note at the end!_

_How smart I am…_

_Reviews _

_Hrainian Hurrah! Thank you for the review! Toodle pip and what not._

_Kitty29 It is creaked up? _

_-Hears story creaking.-_

_Why, so it is! I shall go and ask Father to buy me some oil, shall I?_

_Now, you get updatin', missus!_

_Uber Spoonz Really? You lucky duck! Where is this place? Why was I not informed?_

**Gosh, it's only the second chapter? The author and I thought it was at about chapter four. Damn our short-term memory loss…**

**Today in Hyrule, Link and Malon are going to Homebase!**

**What for? Who knows? Well, except them of course, that would be ridiculous, going shopping and not knowing what you are shopping for! Anyway, on with the story.**

"Malon, I think we're lost." Link stated, peering over the dashboard.

"Nonsense, Link m'boy!" Malon replied.

"How did you manage to find a car in Hyrule anyway?"

"The author has a habit of putting very out of place things in her stories."

"...Oh."

**Arriving at the Hyrulian Homebase branch, Malon and Link entered the shop. Looking around, they saw not what they were looking for. They approached the counter.**

"Hello," Malon said in a falsely cheerful voice. "I am looking for a large Bunsen burner, capable of setting alight an excess area of woodland."

"Erm.." The spotty teenager behind the till did not know what to say. They had never covered that in training.

"I suppose you do not have it?" Malon asked, her voice beginning to get a little less happy.

"I… I guess…" The teen said, nodding.

"Well you damn well should!" Malon shouted, kicking him in the shin. "You… You rip off artist!"

"Well." Link said, after his friend had been subdued by security guards and escorted out of the shop. "Now what?"

"Hath no fear, my fair-eth lady!" A bold, handsome knight said.

**He was obviously very strong due to the amount of muscles he had, and he was skilled in martial arts and sword fighting. He could master any weapon within a very short period of time. Not only that, but he was a powerful wizard, skilled in the ancient art of magic. He was kind and heroic, and he was very, very intelligent, never one to pass up a challenge. He was perfectly perfect at doing things perfectly, as well as looking perfect. He could do no wrong, for, as I say, he was perfect. He was a knight of the king, and a wizard/human/demon/elf/hylian/sheikah/vampire hybrid.**

"Good Goddesses, NO!" Malon screamed.

"It's a… a…"

"Gary Stu!" The man replied, laughing evilly. "And now, fair maiden, cometh with me, and I shall make you my beautiful bride, and we may jest at your friends puniness, and we shalt live in my wonderful castle."

"As much as I like making fun of Links puniness." Malon said. "I really, really don't want to go."

"We have cable." The Gary Stu said temptingly.

"Well, why didn't you say so! Come on, bucko." Malon demanded. Then, the perfectly perfect Gary Stu picked her up, and slung her over his shoulder. Link watched as he carried her off into the distance.

"My first love…" Link sobbed, wiping a tear away sadly.

**Hang on, hang on! This isn't a Malink fic!**

"Oh." Link said, stopping his tears abruptly. "Sorry."

**Gary Stu carried Malon over Hyrule Field, through the Lost Woods, then he somehow jumped halfway across Hyrule and arrived at Gerudo Fortress. He walked through a door, behind which Ganondorf sat at a large, oak table. Do they actually have oak trees in Hyrule? Yes, they do. Didn't you know that? Well, now you do.**

"My lord." The Gary Stu said, giving a large, sweeping bow in the Gerudo king's direction. "I have brought you Malon."

"I didn't ask for Malon!" Ganondorf roared. "I told you to get the PrincessZelda!"

"Oh." The Gary Stu said. "Oh."

"Well," Ganondorf said. "I have to go impress Nabooru with my manliness."

"O.o." Gary Stu said. Yes, he actually said O.o.

Malon, however, was thoroughly frightened.

**(We have to wait a while.) **

**(Sorry for any inconvenience.)**

**(There was a power failure, you see.)**

**(Please remain seated whilst we fix it, and get the story back up.)**

**(….)**

**(….)**

**(Marty, if you're reading this, I slept with Jocelyn last night.)**

**(Sorry man.)**

**(I thought this would be the best way to tell you.)**

**(See you at the karaoke tonight.)**

**(Sorry.)**

**(….)**

**(….)**

**(Alright, we're back on again.)**

**Night had set over Kokiri Forest, but four of its residents remained awake.**

-It'd be brilliant, wouldn't it? I said.

-Aye. Jim replied. –Cool.

We were talking about having a dead ma.

- No one to tell 'im what to do.

Sinbad started crying beside me. I comforted him.

We were walking with Jim. Jim had once wet his tunic in front of Mido.

-If _I'd_ did a gick in my pants. I said slowly. –Mido'd have killed me.

-Aye .Jim said, nodding. –Aye.

Mido had it in for Jim. He used to always yell out, -Jim, I know what ye're daeing, and I don't like it.

Once he'd said it when Jim was inside ill with the mumps.

**Wait a minute…**

**Has the author been reading those ruddy Roddy Doyle books again?.**

-Aye, Narrator. I said, turning to face the little old man. –She has, ye great big gobshite.

-Hahaha… Gobshite. Jim snickered.

**Well, what she has to remember is that this is the real world, and in the real world, people shouldn't talk and act like that!**

-Aw Narrator, I said, -Stop talking bollocks.

**I don't get paid enough forthis...**

_An: There, it is a Gary Stu, for the first time (I hope.) in one of my stories ever. And he's here! At your pleasure!_

_The kokiri scene inspired by "Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha." A brilliant book! Read it!_

_Read it NOW! _

_I'm hungry now… Gonna go get food. Fooooood…_

**(Kids! Stay safe when Halloweening!)**


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